What If Ewoks Were Hunted for their Pelts?

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December 30, 2015

Yub Nub. Ewoks are tool-welding primates that took down Imperial AT-ST Walkers and Storm Troopers with rocks, logs, and cuteness. Ewoks lived in tree villages and prepared tramps for creatures taller than Ewoks, such as human beings. Let’s not forget Ewoks were very ready to have a Rebel BBQ of Han, Luke, and Chewbacca. It is also highly possible Ewoks ate the Imperials they captured at the end of Return of the Jedi.

How would galactic society respond if humans started wearing Ewok fur? Ewoks likely would make excellent slippers for the citizens of Coruscant. People on Hoth would pay top credits for Ewok fur coats. Parents on Yavin 4 would take photos of Younglings on Ewok skin rugs (likely causing the child to turn to the Dark Side after images were shown to a prospective boyfriend or girlfriend).

There are many arguments Ewoks are a sentient species, because they have a language, established a faith system, use tools, wore skins as limited clothing, achieved non-powered flight for combat, and live in a functioning social order in a highly engineered tree village. This should be enough for anthropologists and the Republic to view Ewoks as a young pre-industrial species, despite no signs of a written language. Ewoks were nowhere near as sophisticated as Wookiees with space flight, but developmentally above Wampa.

Former Imperial worlds likely would see Ewoks as feral vermin who may or may not have eaten a family member. Ewoks contributed to the deaths of every Imperial on the second Death Star, easily over a million people. Assuming the Imperial Navy did not fire bomb Endor for revenge, the Knights of Ren establishing a fur trading company on the moon after retrieving the helmet of Darth Vader, would be evil retribution for the Empire’s defeat.

If Ewok fur became a profitable inter-planetary trade, the Republic and Resistance would put a stop to interstellar Ewok poaching. Ewoks would be deemed a “protected species,” because their poaching would generate illegal funds to fill the economic void created by the destruction of the second Death Star. This “Darth Market” enacting a Doctrine of Fur would fuel instability with criminal enterprises designed to trap Ewoks, with now out of work Imperial construction workers turning to poaching to make ends meet.

Starkiller Base could have been funded by illegal Ewok fur trading. The planet was big enough for the First Order to maintain Ewok pens to supply a galaxy hungry for fur products. Children conscripted as Stormtroopers could have been the labor force in the production of Ewok slippers, shawls, blankets, and capes, only adding the list of war crimes committed by Supreme Leader Snoke’s First Order.

Worlds under Republic control would enact a labeling guide for imported fur products to avoid Ewok pelts entering the market. Just as the United States prohibits cat and dog fur from being imported into the US, the Republic would have similar laws to prevent Ewok mittens being sold illegally.

Impressible young people might try to disrupt interplanetary Ewok harvesting ships by ramming Imperial/New Order vessels in space. These “Ewok Wars” could be a popular reality show on the core network, but would highlight extremely poor stellar-seamanship.

Reflections on Christmas

By

Josh Gilliland

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December 24, 2015

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My grandmother threw family Christmas Eve celebrations like they were a 1980s Bruce Springsteen concert.

She was a German-Irish farm girl who grew up in Iowa during the Great Depression. She learned in the “Dust Bowl” what it was like to go without.

Those experiences gave her a resolve to make sure Christmas Eve was a blow out event for her daughters and ultimately grandsons. If she were still alive today, she could vlog best practices on making Christmas special for children.

How did she excel at making Christmas magical for others? First, she understood everyone in the family. She would pick up gifts over the course of the year, wrap them, and hide them in her walk-in closet. Secondly, that woman was an amazing cook. She understood from her childhood on a farm the importance of a good meal for those who spent their days doing hard labor. Every meal was made with love.

I am dutifully seated to my grandmother’s left.

The Christmas Eve dinner was oyster stew before church, because seafood was a luxury item for those in Iowa. The tradition moved west with my grandparents to California (for the record, cold cuts were also made on Christmas Eve, because oyster stew definitely skipped the third generation). After what seemed like a church service that lasted an eternity to any child, we would return home to shred wrapping paper like it was an Olympic sport. Christmas Day was a full feast of prime rib and adventure with the entire family.

My grandmother’s forever glowing spirit is what made Christmas special, not the gifts she gave. She brought people together. She took the time to plan, prepare, and skillfully execute a holiday plan that left generations with a lifetime of happy memories.

Christmas 1977, sporting the Star Trek “Where No Man Has Gone Before” Look.

I wish everyone had such positive Christmas memories, but life has more than its share of challenges for many. Hardship can severely diminish hope. My grandmother lived through the Great Depression and World War 2, an extended period of fear that gave her extreme determination to help others during her life. As I think about this Christmas, and those in need, I am reminded to always be kind to others.

A Krampus Constitutional Nightmare

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Josh Gilliland

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December 23, 2015

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Nothing says parenting with the stick instead of a carrot like telling children that Krampus will whip them and drag them to Hell for a year if they are bad.

This stands in stark comparison to Santa Claus, who rewards positive behavior with toys for good children. Where Santa is the gift-giving version of the NSA, Krampus makes enhanced interrogations look like caroling.

Assuming Krampus could be prosecuted in a human court, what crimes is he committing against children?

Krampus whipping and taking children to Hell is an absolute denial of the Due Process rights for the accused children. The 14^th Amendment requires that no one can be deprived of their life and liberty without the due process of law.

Krampus represents convicting children of wrongdoing without a trial and sentencing them to cruel and unusual punishment in violation of the 8^th Amendment. While one Maryland court in 1883 held whipping a husband who brutally assaulted his wife did not violate the Maryland constitution or the 8^th Amendment to the United States Constitution, this is the minority view. Foote v. State (1883) 59 Md. 264, 267.

As one New Jersey court noted, there are three forms of punishment in the United States: fine, imprisonment, or death. As for punishments such as dunking in water, it is “to be doubted the corporeal punishment for crimes was ever the law of this State after its declaration of independence from England and adoption of its first Constitution (1776).” State v. Palendrano (Super.Ct. 1972) 120 N.J.Super. 336, 339, fn. 2, referencing “The Whipping Post and Some of Its Uses“, 15 N.J.L.J. 356. As such, the whipping of children is simply not permitted.

Krampus taking children to Hell for a year is an extreme form of imprisonment without a trial. It is difficult to imagine what offense a child could commit justifying imprisonment in Hell, thus is disproportional punishment on its face, short of an seven-year old committing a war crime. While many parents might claim their child can be a terror with low blood sugar, children are not know for fire bombing civilian targets.

The military would respond swiftly if Krampus were a real entity committing child abduction for Christmas. Instead of NORAD providing holiday cheer with tracking information on Santa Claus, the NSA, CIA, FBI, and the military would be on high alert tracking Krampus with the same resolve as a nuclear missile launch.

Luckily, we live in a world where Christmas is celebrated for kindness, whether Christians are celebrating the birth of Christ, or others embracing the human spirit to be good to each other. There is a reason this ancient folk legend has largely been ignored across the Earth.

BB-8 Come Home

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Josh Gilliland

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December 21, 2015

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BB-8 in Star Wars The Force Awakens is an endearing droid who rolls right into your heart. In the fine tradition of Lassie Come Home and Benji The Hunted, BB-8 was separated from his owner Poe Dameron, and bravely embarked on an adventure where he made new friends Rey, Finn, Han, and Chewbacca.

The rest of this post contains many spoilers on The Force Awakens, so if you have not seen the movie and want to be surprised, stop reading now.

BB-8 was separated from his owner Poe on Jakku. BB-8 set off into the desert, was captured by a scavenger, and rescued by Rey. BB-8 stayed in Rey’s care and was eventually told by Finn that Poe was killed. BB-8 ultimately learned Poe escaped death and was reunited with his master.

BB-8 effectively acted like a lost dog, who was on a final mission started by his owner. Cases about lost dogs are very helpful in understanding the respective ownership rights to BB-8 prior to his reunification with Poe.

Cities across the United States have code sections on lost dogs. For example, in Lauderdale Lakes, Florida, dog owners shall promptly notify the chief of police with a description of the dog, if their dog is lost, strayed, or stolen. Lauderdale Lakes, Florida Code of Ordinances Sec. 10.33.

It is likely cities across the Republic and First Order had similar ordinances for droids. However, unlike dogs, droids can communicate with “bee boops” that people can understand easier than a collie communicating Timmy fell down a well. Droids can state clearly, “That is my owner,” where one usually has to watch a dog for conduct towards a person (which is not always effective). Even then, nothing can prove dog ownership like having DNA evidence, as in a Katrina case where an owner was able to demonstrate ownership of a lost dog. Augillard v. Madura (Tex.Ct.App. 2008) 257 S.W.3d 494, 501.

Rey was tempted to sell BB-8 for food by Unkar Plutt. Rey knew BB-8 had an owner, but did not know whether he was alive or not at that time. Could Rey have sold BB-8 for food?

Conversion is an “act of dominion wrongfully exerted over another’s property in denial of or inconsistent with the owner’s rights therein.” Lincecum v. Smith (La.Ct.App. 1973) 287 So.2d 625, 627, citing, Hamilton v. Travelers Indemnity Co., (La.Ct.App. 1971) 248 So.2d 617, 618; 89 C.J.S. Trover and Conversion § 1 (1955).

If Rey had sold BB-8, with the knowledge the droid belonged to Poe (even if not by name), she would have committed an act of conversion. In a case where a dog-finder claimed he did not own a dog, but ultimately had the dog put to sleep, the Court held he committed an act of conversion, because the dog-finder exercised “dominion and a right of ownership which he did not legally possess. When he authorized destruction of the puppy there was a complete interference with the owner’s rights, and an obvious conversion.” Lincecum, at *628.

Selling BB-8 would have been “complete interference” with Poe’s ownership rights, which ultimately would have resulted in BB-8’s destruction. Luckily, Rey had a clear moral center and was not bribed into committing an act of conversion for food.

After believing Poe had been killed, Rey and Finn set out to return BB-8 to the Resistance. While the goal was to return BB-8 to the Resistance for the data the droid carried, this arguably could have begun establishing Rey’s ownership of BB-8, if Poe was indeed dead. Case law holds that when a finder of a lost pet who made a reasonable effort to locate the owner, responsibly cares for the animal over a reasonably extensive period of time, then the finder could acquire possession of the lost animal. Morgan v. Kroupa (1997) 167 Vt. 99, 101.

Rey cared for BB-8 over a short period of time (the story had to be only a couple of days at most) and made reasonable efforts to return BB-8 to the Resistance after believing Poe had been killed. If Poe had owned the droid himself and did not have any heirs to inherent BB-8, one could argue Rey had become the owner of BB-8. Poe’s estate would have a valid claim to BB-8, as Rey only had the droid for a short period of time, and the sale of BB-8 could have been used to settle any estate debts. However, since Rey returned BB-8 to the Resistance, thus reuniting BB-8 with Poe, this argument is moot, as the droid was returned to his proper owner. Just like Lassie.

How Dr. Janina Scarlet Would Prove the Insanity Defense on Jessica Jones

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Josh Gilliland

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December 20, 2015

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How can an expert witness prove someone was under the effects of mind control when they committed a crime? Dr. Janina Scarlet explains PTSD and the medical evidence she would need to explain to a court how Hope Shlottman, Jessica Jones, and anyone else under the control of Kilgrave did not understand the nature and consequences of their criminal conduct while under his control.

The Star Wars Spoilers Awaken!

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Josh Gilliland

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December 19, 2015

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Spoilers, Spoilers, and MORE Spoilers!

We now live in the post-The Force Awakens world. A world where Star Wars fans are going out of their way to not blow any surprises for those who have yet seen the movie like it is a moral imperative.

Attorneys Jessica Mederson, Roger Quiles, Joshua Gilliland, share their thoughts on the new movie, from the theaters where they experienced The Force Awakens, thoughts on major characters, and theories on where Star Wars will go in Episode VIII and Anthology films. Listen ONLY after watching The Force Awakens, so you can be surprised.

The Law Awakens before The Force Awakens!

By

Josh Gilliland

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December 17, 2015

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There has been an awakening. Have you felt it? Between property rights and breach of contract?

Nothing says the holidays like Star Wars! Tune in to hear classic Star Wars legal issues, from Darth Vader on Contracts, whether Medical Droids can commit malpractice, to Obi-Wan’s Defense of Luke Skywalker.