Popular Tatooine Cantina Hit by Lawsuit from Droids

By Suralinda Javos, Outer Rim Bureau Reporter

MOS EISLEY, March 21 – Chalmun’s Cantina, a popular Tatooine watering hole known for serving weary spacefarers and scoundrels alike, has been hit with a major lawsuit in Galactic Federal court. The civil suit was filed jointly by R2-D2, an Industrial Automation R2 astromech unit and C-3PO, a Cybot Galactica 3PO unit.

The droids allege that the Cantina threw them out as they entered the bar with their humanoid companions. Attorneys Christine Peek and Megan Hitchcock of the Corellian Firm Organa, Dodonna, & Ackbar, LLP are representing the droids. After filing the suit, both attorneys publically decried the actions of the Cantina. Speaking to a small crowd gathered outside of the Mos Eisley Galactic Federal courthouse, Attorney Peek declared, “We are honored to represent Artoo and Threepio in this matter and look forward to getting our clients and all droids the justice they deserve—the right to be served just like any other being.”

The Cantina has retained Attorneys Steve Chu and Thomas Harper of the mega Coruscant law firm Palpatine, Vader, and Valorum, P.C. to defend it against the suit. Their firm recently made galactic headlines after defending the Empire against a bevy of lawsuits stemming from the Jedha mining disaster. When reached for comment about the suit, Attorney Chu stated, “These two globs of grease have clearly short circuited. Our firm looks forward to vindicating the Cantina’s interest in serving the patrons of its choice—namely sentient customers who can actually pay for and consume a frosty mug of Jawa Juice.”

The case is of major interest to droid rights advocates, who have long rallied against what they describe as patently unfair and unequal treatment of droids across the galaxy. Similarly, a wide variety of galactic business associations are also closely watching the case, which could lead to monumental changes in business practices.

Kier Beam, a renowned galactic droid expert, will testify on behalf of the plaintiff droids, while bartender Wuher, will testify for the Cantina. The case will be heard before the Galactic Federal Judge Stacie Beckerman, who has docketed the case for March 23, 2018 at 5:00p.m. in courtroom 207.

Coming to WonderCon 2018? Join The Legal Geeks as we present the mock trial of R2-D2 & C-3PO v. The Cantina! The mock trial will be held on Friday, March 23rd at 5:00p.m. in Room 207 at the Anaheim Convention Center. Attorneys will argue their respective cases before a real judge as the fate of the droids hangs in the balance. Droid lovers and haters are all welcome!

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Thomas Harper
Thomas is a Captain in the US Army serving as a Judge Advocate General (JAG) officer. During his time in the JAG Corps, he has served in a variety of positions, including as an Operational Law attorney advising on the law of war and rules of engagement in Afghanistan. After completing 7 years on active duty, he now serves in the Army Reserves as a military defense counsel, representing accused soldiers at courts-martial and other proceedings. While he loves all things geek, he is a massive Star Wars fan, collector, and the reigning back-to-back Dragon Con Star Wars Super Fan trivia champion. His frequently favorable comments regarding the Empire and Dark Side are his own and do not reflect those of the DoD and Army. Follow his ramblings about the galaxy far far away on Twitter at @thomasLharper.